I feel pretty lost right now. I have tons of ideas of where I could go and how I could spend my vacation, but I just don't know which idea sounds the most appealing or whether anything really sounds that appealing that I would be bothered enough to whore myself out as a cashier and save every penny. I just feel like I don't have any MUST SEE -top places any more that I would like to see (ofc South America but that's something I won't cover in such a short time as a summer vacation) or things that would reeeeeaally get me pumping.
I don't know. Must be the problem of when you have too much to chose from, the difficulty to chose steps in and nothing sounds more appealing than the other.
Anyhoo, here are the stuff I am currently deciding on. Might be that I'll do some, might be that I'll do none. Who the fuck knows.
1) Bali in May
Yeaaaah Randomness. Was not planning on this at all but then Jean told me there's a four day rave at a volcano happening and that I should come. Would also be cool to surf and Claudia would be there so could have a couple messy nights in Kuta with her! Probably the most appealing matter is though the fact that nowadays I have the ability to fly standby... which means, I could get to South East Asia for money close to nothing... Kinda intrigued to just go to the airport and try it out.
2) Band of Skulls @ Berlin
Really really really wanna see Band of Skulls live and they would be playing a small venue gig in Berlin on May 15th. I've been meaning to go to Berlin again so this would be a perfect combination. The only thing that's stopping me from going is that I don't have anyone to go with. And you CAN'T possibly go to a gig by yourself ! My Canadian couz Laura, who is now doing her exchange in Paris would be willing to go but she most likely will have her finals on that day :/ I really wanna go though so I'm gonna see if I can find someone to go with me.
3) Tall Ship Races
Dad told me he knows some people that work at the dockyard or what ever so he suggested he could ask around if there are still places available. But somehow, now that I got so accustomed to the idea of not being able to participate, I don't know if I wanna go anymore (?!?!? yeah wtf is wrong with me)
4) Surfing in Portugal
Wrote about this already. This would take place in July but let's see if i'll make it happen.
4) Creamfields
I'm pretty sure i'm going. Last year I was so up for it but unfortunately my school had just started so there was no way I could've missed on the first days of school (especially since I had only started as a Freshman). This year however, the line up is even sicker and now that Tomorrowland failed, I'm even more sure i'll go. PLUS the tickets only cost 140e with camping !! The only reason why I haven't purchased my ticket yet, is because my friends are still in doubt whether they wanna go (tyyyypical... always someone holding me back.. maybe I should just buy the ticket for myself and see what happens?)
5) Berlin in August
Pretty sure we are going to make this happen with a couple mates - Masa, Jassu, Aava, Ansku. Spend a week in the coolest city in Europe (after Helsinki ofc ;) ) viewing street art, going through thrift stores, attending sick parties and just wondering on the well designed streets of Berlin.
I think the main reasons that are holding me back - or why I don't feel so SUPER enthusiastic about the ideas of e.g. Bali, Tall Ship Races or a longer trip, is that maybe I subconsciously long to be at home. Maybe I miss stability and long for not having to be in full motion all the time. The past three years starting from early 2009 when I was collecting money for Mexico and the 2 weeks in Holland/Netherlands, combined with Rock Werchter, up till last winter holiday's Bali trip has just been such a hassle. Those 12 fucking months I spent working working working, saving saving saving for Australia (best trip of my life so far) was quite a lot. It was ofc rewarding, but also really fucking stressful and a lot to handle. Sometimes I would wake up, get ready, go work 10 hours, come back home to go straight to bed and sleep 12 hours just to wake up to the same thing again. Or I would have four part time jobs at the same time and managing my time would be a superwoman skill.
I mean, don't get me wrong. I _fucking_ love traveling. I don't think I feel anywhere more at home and like myself when I'm on the road with my backpack on my shoulders or when I am jumping up and down all sweaty to the rhythm of the music. I just think that I've realized that I need a break from it. In 2009 I worked after school to save till Holland/Netherlands, went there in the summer, fell in love at Rock Werchter, came home for three days, sat on a plane and flew to Mexico for a month. Came home in August with a feeling of longing and like my heart was about to explode & decided to make Australia come true. Worked for a year, fought with dad the whole time, was getting stressed, anxious, depressed but made it through. Worked like a machine, smiled at 10 grand in my bank account, hoped on a plane in October. Heart full of hope and mind full of adventure. Journey took 39 hours to Cairns. Had the best three months of my life in Oz and then traveled to Morocco where I had the worst month of my life. Came home anxious and depressed and realized I had to take care of myself. Got better, saved, worked, saved, worked, went to Heineken Open'er in Poland and Interailing by myself for a month. Realized I liked traveling by myself. Came home worked the rest of the vacation, started school in the end of August and multitasked my way through a report card full of 5's (top grade) and a bank account enough of money to fly to Bali. Spent Christmas and my B-day with strangers (& Jasmine) again. Came back.
Although I've had the best time of my life I can't help it to feel a bit tired. I feel like i've been in full motion all the time and that I haven't been able to catch my breath. I feel like I live according to two very distinct cycles - one is where I work and save and barely have time to see any of my mates and the other where I feel like I am living. This last school year I've only had time to see my best mate THREE TIMES thanks to school and working when ever I have free time and spending the rest of my free time abroad.
Feels like the past three years have been super hectic. Work work work -phase, travel, come back, work work work, travel, come back, work work work and so on... Full speed on and on and on.
Like I already said - Don't get me wrong - I love my life. But - Would also be nice to live back in home every once in a while and not only when I'm backpacking. Also everytime when I go fetch/drop someone off at the airport I just feel super tired. I used to looove airports but nowadays the sight of one makes me feel stressed. That's why I've realized that maybe should just stay in Finland for the summer. Catch my breath. "Take some time off". Enjoy life here. Ofc I want to and probably will make shorter trips but I think I've had enough of "longer" trips for now. At least until December.
I realized that how cool would it be to just enjoy the summer in the city, in lovely little Helsinki. The best city in the world. How wonderful would it be to have an actual SUMMER VACATION. I have tons of shit I wanna save up for but I mean, what if I would work but not work to the max this summer? What if I would live for myself and not for my bank account this summer? Thinking about money and always maxing your balance up just results into no social life and I would like to do something else than sit as the check out girl.
So yeah. I think I might just chill the fuck out and stay in one spot (apart from those minitravels) this summer.
Dunno where this long rant came from. It's just that this has been on my mind and I've been so confused about not KNOWING what I want. Until I realized what I actually wanted :)
But yeh, the sun is shining, the snow is melting and i'm having a happy hangover so life is good :) I better get back to studying now since I have three presentations (gonna have to rock the corporate whore -look again :((( ) and two exams on Mon-Fri.
Next Friday off to Eurotrip with my class !
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