Rant

The thing about traveling that makes it sometimes too suffocating is that you can't escape it. When you feel like things are a bit too much at the moment, there's no place you can unwind at. When you crave a moment of alone time, there's no where you can possibly get that. Usually the place to do that is your home, and when you are traveling you call your hostel your home. You can go to your empty dorm room but you're never still quite alone. You might be by yourself but there's still the presence of people that never leaves the room or where ever you are at.

Man. I do sound like i'm homesick, but really, i'm not. Things just seem so hectic at the moment and i'm having all these epiphanies about myself and life that it feels like a moment of golden alone time wouldn't hurt.

Currently i'm sitting in the car with Laura in the back with me and Dom and Melanie in the front. We are driving somewhere and everyone is quiet. Seems like there's nothing left to say. Yesterday we played Never Have I Ever and everyone just looked at each other "What DON'T I know about you?". When you travel with someone for such a long time, it sometimes kind of hurts how much you give away of yourself. Like there's nothing left to share. Mystique gone long time ago.

Then again I love it how these girls know me better than anyone else. I think they know me better than most of my closest people back home. I love it how we've been through everything together. Kind of sucks going back home cause you know no one will never complitely understand how its like. Although you might've read my blog and I will tell you everything in full detail, there's no way you'll ever get how it really is, cause you weren't here with us.

Fuck I love backpacker life.

We had the same conversation with Melanie for the second time yesterday. How you realize when you go to cities, that everything is really just so fake. It's like an illusion. You look at the people hurrying past you with their fancy shoes and coffee mugs in a hurry, and just think "why?". In small beach towns the atmosphere and the way of life is just so different. No one wears make up and everyone just dresses up just for the fact of wearing clothes. Its so much more real. People are who they are and they aren't trying to keep up an image with expensive clothes. In cities its all about shielding yourself and creating an image you want yourself to be viewed upon.

But yeah, i know. When I get back home I know I will go back to my old ways: accessorizing and applying make up cause at the end of the day who doesn't like it? I just wish I could sometimes escape it and that life wouldn't always just be about apperance and material. Because in the end, like Dom said, "You can't take wealth with you when you die, you can't take material objects, in fact you take nothing". I hope I'll live my life according to this fact and make the most of it. Enjoy myself. Collect experiences and live my dreams. So that when its time to go, I know I live it to the max.

Peace out.
Ps. wow. Train of thought. Wasn't even going to write a rant about all this. Feel so much better though.  I can go back to socializing now that I have this mental block and whirlwind of thoughts out of my head. :)